Law of Selective Gravity:
  An object will fall so as to do the most damage.

Jennings Corollary to the Law of Selective Gravity:
  The chance of the bread falling with the butter side down
  is directly proportional to the value of the carpet.

Wyszkowski's Second Law:
  Anything can be made to work if you fiddle with it long enough.

Sattinger's Law
  It works better if you plug it in.

Lowery's Law:
  If it jams - force it.
  If it breaks, it needed replacing anyway.

Schmidt's Law:
  If you mess with a thing long enough, it'll break.

Cahn's Axiom:
  When all else fails, read the instructions.

Gordon's First Law:
  If a project is not worth doing at all,
  it's not worth doing well.

Law of Research:
  Enough research will tend to support your theory.

Maier's Law:
  If the facts do not conform to the theory,
  they must be disposed of.

Peer's Law:
  The solution to the problem changes the problem.

. Beware of the man who works hard to learn something,
. learns it, and finds himself no wiser than before.
.
. He is full of murderous resentment of people who
. are ignorant without having come by their ignorance
. the hard way.

Help a man when he is in trouble and he will
  remember you when he is in trouble again.

You can lead a man to slaughter,
but you can't make him think.

Don't get mad, get even.

Carson's Law:
  It's better to be rich and healthy than poor and sick.

The Golden Rule:
  He who has the gold, makes the rules.