Alan's Corollary on Time:
Time sucks!

The Watergate Principle:
Government corruption will always be reported in the past tense.

The telephone will ring when you are outside
the door fumbling for your keys.

The Army Axiom:
Any order that can be misunderstood has been misunderstood.

Law of Computer programming:
If a program is useful, it will have to be changed.

Alan's Motto:
It's easier to make true enemies than true friends.

Goebel's Law of Rush Hour Traffic:
What speeds up, must slow down.  But who says it's ever gonna speed up?

If it looks easy, it's tough...
If it looks tough, it's impossible.

Steele's Philosophy:
Everybody should believe in something... I believe I'll have another drink.

Murray's Hockey Rule:
Hockey is a game played by six good players and the home team.

Ferguson's Law:
A crisis is when you can't say "Let's forget the whole thing."

Atwood's Fourteenth Corollary:
No books are lost by lending except those you particularly wanted to keep.

Murphy's Seventh Corollary:
Every solution breeds new problems.

Peer's Law:
The solution to a problem changes the nature of the problem.


Law of Gifts:
You get the most of what you need the least.

Gold's Law:
If the shoe fits, it's ugly.

Gillenson's Law of Expectation:
Never get excited over how people look from behind.

Alan's Second Law:
Never eat anything bigger than your head.

Hoare's Law:
Inside every large problem is a small problem trying to get out.